im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
