She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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