No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
