A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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