bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
