I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
