his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
