i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
