We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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