I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
