i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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