I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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