It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's blow job season.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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