I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
