My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
mondays should just be called national damage control day
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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