You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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