my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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