I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
