Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
