Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
