Whats the glycemic index on semen?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
