I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
