Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
