just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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