I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
