I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
