Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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