Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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