I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
