3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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