you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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