just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
