It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
