I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
