I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
