Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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