We're like a lot better than the average bears
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
