The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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