i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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