I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
