I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
