I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
