hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
