Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
