Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
