Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
