note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
