just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
