i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
