He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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