so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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