cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
