i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
