google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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