i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
