with your own penis?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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